small moments, trying again?

When I first had the idea of making a website, having a blog, I thought that I should/could write something small on a regular basis, once a week, or a couple times a week. But I very quickly abandoned that idea when I became consumed with more practical/immediate concerns of finding a job. Last night, however, I started reading Austin Kleon’s Show Your Work, and was reminded of the value of sharing/documenting the process, and also, ofhaving a process. That it takes time and practice to build anything. So here I am, trying to start something small and consistent here, not yet sure what shape it will take, more or less stream of consciousness. If nothing else, it’ll be words/ideas that exist someplace besides my own mind.

This morning I was driving through my neighbourhood to pick up something from the Buy Nothing group (a set of kid tables + 2 chairs, painted bright red). As I was driving, I was moved, momentarily, by how windswept and beautiful the spring trees and blossoms lining the roads looked. In moments like that, all I want is to live slowly and deeply in the present and be patient and kind to people I encounter, and not think lofty, critical thoughts, but instead thoughts of gratitude and awe. I want to be gentle and soft, not harsh, sharp, rushed, heavy. It would be good to practice mindfulness meditation again.

It feels good to breathe slowly and drop into the moment. To step off the hamster wheel. Loosen my grasp. Slow my steps, and my breath. Value small things, done consistently. Because when I stop to think about it, there’s very little need to rush. I already have the most important thiings — which are not things at all, but relationships — my daughter, mom, sister, husband, myself. Friends — A, J, A. Oakridge United Church community. Dinner club.